I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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