woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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