He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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