he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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