Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
