Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
