He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
