I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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