are you still at the devil's house?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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