This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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