I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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