in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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