My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
