You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
