if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
