he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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