between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
