I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
