i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
