Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
