So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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