I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
