Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
