i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
