so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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