When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
