I'm jealous of your bromance
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
