my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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