it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
