He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
