Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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