I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
