Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We're too hungover to prance.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
