u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
