ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize