hotel room ftw
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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