cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
