I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Send help, water and tortillas.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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