so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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