Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize