you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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