I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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