She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
