I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
