You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
