I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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