When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
