You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
