Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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