i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
