I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
