walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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