After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
