next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
