i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
