can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
