apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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