at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
