hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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