This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize