I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The feeling are messing with the penis
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
