I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
