the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
