I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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