I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
