Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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