hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
