lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
