Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
