Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
there is glitter all over my balls
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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