we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
