The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
